Abandoned

You kept me hidden
In your deformed shadow,
Constantly burning, scarring me
With your matches.

You watched carelessly
As I stumbled and fell
Into deep water.
You watched carelessly
As I drowned.

You chewed me up
And spit me out.
Was I not good enough;
Just poison in your blood?

You tortured me with your sticks and stones,
While you ate away at
My fragile soul,
Tearing it at the seams.
You destroyed the only living
Part of me,
Only leaving a badly sewn soul,
And a mismatched heart
In your destructive wake.

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Mortality

Life, like a china doll,
Is fragile.
But we are not always
It’s best protectors.

With battles with nations,
And wars with ourselves,
We all have poisonous mistakes
Pumping through our veins;
Scars, unwanted tattoos,
Bearing our sins to the world.

We have pipe dreams
Of immortality,
As if our time
Isn’t ticking away.

A life, like time, is wasted.
A lily, no matter how beautiful,
Will always wither and die.

If I do not live my life,
I will most certainly live my death.

Crazy

I exist in a misshapen reality,
Deformed by lies and betrayals.
It’s a world that
Moves in fast forward
And I can’t keep up.

The Darkness is creeping
Into my life,
Stealing my breaths,
My heartbeats.
It consumes me.

A meteorite once fell to Earth,
Bearing my name.
It determined a rough path
For me to follow.
My life was never my own.

To the world,
I am a hopeless degenerate,
A delinquent.
Hopeless.

I tried to fight.
I fought the world
And the Fear.
I survived.
Whether I wanted to
Or not.

I have battle scars,
Memories and nightmares.
I’ve been burnt
By humanity’s careless
Wildfire hatred.
I’ve been stained, scarred,
Mutilated and tainted,
By my own blood.

In a world that never
Sleeps at night
I have a heart
That doesn’t even beat right.

In my sanitised hospital room,
One visitor has brought me a gift.
Death brought me
A crooked lily
With jagged petals.
He waits for me.

The Fear

The Fear does not have a name.
You cannot outrun it.
You cannot defeat it.
You must simply endure it.

What have we become?
That we are not afraid to spill human blood,
Like the vampires of our myths?

That we teach our children
How to defend themselves
In the battles they’ll face
In this hellish world?
All the while we know
That some will return
Victorious, safe and sound.
Others will have been
Consumed by
The Fear
Which embodies this planet.

The Fear is worse than
The monsters that live under our beds.
I stopped being afraid of them
When they started to be
Afraid of us.

Where did the Fear come from?
Did it seek us out
In this lonely universe,
To bully us,
Like a cat which torments its prey?
Or did we pursue it,
Unknowingly discovering horrors
That had been safe in Pandora’s Box?

There is one simple rule
For the game we humans play:
Survive.

It’s not as easy as it sounds.

The Fear does not have a name.
You cannot escape it.
But one thing is certain
In this torturous world:

You will fight it,
And it will win.

Bodmin Road

You were always many jewels:
Garnet, Sapphire, Emeralds,
Your birthstone.
Your Aquamarine eyes always sparkled
Like the rough diamond that you were.

You showed me a life
Of kaleidoscope colours.
Life that moves in slow motion;
Always changing,
Each day brighter, more beautiful, than the last.

Life with you was different,
A new perspective,
Like the refraction of light
Through glass.
A rainbow.
Beauty.
Life with you will never
Be replaced.

The cruel effects of time
Finally took their toll on you:
Your hair is now silver,
Your body is thinner;
An unpolished diamond.

Life is a race against Destiny,
But it’s one you couldn’t win.
I’ve never been quite strong enough
To carry you over the finish line.

Entire dimensions now lie between us
But I still love you
Like the diamonds in your eyes sparkled,
Love Matilda.

Burned

Mirror, Mirror,
You’re killing me.
The girl who looks back at me
Has shadows in her eyes.
Her soul is scarred,
Her heart is cracked.
Her smile is fake,
Masking her twisted warpath.
Her voice is honey sweet
And tells a never ending list of lies.
Her pristine make up conceals
The tracks of tears that she’s cried.
Her smile is false,
Hiding the pain she constantly feels.
Her perfect clothes hide the pattern of scars
That time will never conceal.

Mirror, Mirror,
She’s killing me.
Her hope is fractured beyond repair,
She has no faith, and is always scared.

Her soul is scarred,
Her heart is cracked,
And she has warped imperfections
That she desperately lacks.

Mirror, Mirror,
I’m sorry to say
That I’m the one who killed me.

The Edge

My eyes mask the agony
Of living one breath away from Death.
My body wears the finest make up;
A smile,
Just wide enough to
Conceal the truth, the end.

I can feel the tendrils
Of Death’s shadows
Coil around my failing heart.

As Death consumes me,
Devouring my soul,
Every moment of my life
Lies safely in the palm
Of my hand.
They are mine.
They are safe from him.

I’ve spent my life,
Helplessly watching the girl in the mirror
Stumble from one mistake
To the next.
But my mistakes
Are the only things
That have ever truly
Been my own.

But I know that Death
Doesn’t have to win.
If I’m strong enough,
If I have faith.

I can see that
Silver pool of light
Is just within my reach.
Life
Is mine.

If I fight for it,
I will defeat Death.

I’m going to live forever.
I have to.
I have nothing else to live for.
To die for.
I’ve got nothing left to lose.

My Stranger

You’re a stranger,
Even to yourself,
Battling a lonely gypsy heart.
You once knew faces and their names,
But now they’ve merged
To look and sound the same.
Now you’re a forgotten name,
A familiar face
In a faded photograph.

The thunder deafened you,
The lightning blinded you.
It’s easy to become lost
On the road less travelled.

You’ve led a life
Of failed attempts
And bad decisions.
How do you know
If the path you’ve chosen
Is wrong?

Shooting in the dark
Is the easiest way to fail.
But, for me, the only way to succeed.

I only want to escape
This tormenting,
Sick,
Imprisoning life
And reunite with my angels
Of my past;
But my breathing body denies this need.

But I won’t stop trying;
I’ve got nothing left to lose.

Broken

She’s broken,
Cracked.
But glued back together
With a fragile smile.

Behind her mask of scars,
She cries,
Comes undone,
Breaks.
Too far gone
To be fixed again.

She’s trapped
In an unforgiving world,
Cornered by the innocent
Whose blood is splattered
On her soul.

There’s nowhere
Left to turn.

Alone at a dead end
On the road less travelled.

Too many mistakes.
Too many lessons.

Two words,
An apology,
Is not enough
To mask the pain she caused.

Disguise and Dye

A wig.
A few colourful chemicals.
A barrier, a shield,
Between my true self
And the rest of the world.

The bright colours hide
The fire which rages in my mind.
It destroys.
It creates.
But it’s mine.

The dye stains my skin;
A permanent marker on my soul.
Every time I dye,
I forget a piece of myself.
It smells bad.